WORLD T20 MUSTER

Australia are facing the prospect of starting their Twenty20 World Championship campaign with a bare minimum of 11 players as pre-season niggles continue to plague the team in Ricky Ponting's absence.

Under the tournament rules each squad is allowed 15 players and Australia have been decimated with injuries and family responsibilities with Michael Clarke, Matthew Hayden and Shane Watson all under an injury cloud. Ricky Ponting has delayed his arrival to the morning of the first match against Zimbabwe due to ICC commitments and concerns over his wife Rianna’s health. Additionally, Stuart Clark also arrived late in Pretoria staying in Sydney to support his young family through a tough time managing his young lad’s illness.

Australia’s reduced squad played their first matches since the World Cup final over the weekend with mixed results. On Saturday a 10-ball win against the equally out-of-season Blackcaps and on Sunday an eight wicket humbling to the Pollock, de Villiers and Smith inspired hosts.

Michael Clarke although selected for both matches was effectively rested to mollify his chronic back complaint and neither batted or bowled in either fixture. With only 11 players to choose from Australia played both wicket-keepers and five specialist bowlers with Pup scheduled to bat at 11 and in the match against South Africa Hayden came to the crease after Brad Hogg because of stiffness in his aging body from his first-ball duck only 24 hours previous.

Cricket Australia and Adidas recently were crowing about the new performance-enhancing injury-reducing garments that Australia are wearing at this tournament. These high-tech uniforms are expected to alleviate soreness and assist recovery and one can only assume that Matt’s kit doesn’t fit or that the announcement of Australia’s new threads had more spin imparted than a Mushtaq Ahmed wrong’un.

It has been a rocky beginning for Tim Nielsen in his first tournament in control of the national squad with new problems arriving on a daily basis and one can only hope that when the tournament begins proper that some semblance of rhythm and normality can be found. Pakistan, South Africa and the West Indies are all in good form and with England and India match fit and raring to go, Australia may find it tough to win enough matches to qualify for the semi-finals.

Most people are expecting this experimental inaugural tournament to be a batsman’s wonderland but if the dozen or so warm-up matches are any indication this may not be the case.

The early season spring conditions and fresh, rested pitches have assisted swing and seam bowling early on and many top order wickets have fallen cheaply. This increases the pressure and responsibility on the middle to lower order and this is where most matches have been decided in the past week of friendly contests.

It promises to be an excellent and entertaining tournament and all at The Shed are agreed that South Africa are the team to beat with a motivated Pakistan and carefree West Indies also looking dangerous.

In the best news you’d ever likely hear, I am thrilled to report that Australia’s favourite English rose, Jane McGrath, has defeated cancer for the third time and is now officially in remission again. A mother of two, Glenn’s wife is a heroine to tens of thousands of Australian women (and men) battling this insidious and all too often terminal disease. Her quiet compassionate determination, good humoured optimism and public courage in the stony face of death has given immeasurable strength and hope to fellow sufferers and their families throughout the continent.

The word hero and champion are bandied around the press with reckless abandon to describe our sports stars yet I feel more than confident in stating that in Jane McGrath England have a real home-grown fair dinkum champ and all of us down south are fortunate to have her close. May she live long and prosper.

KUALA LUMPUR TO KATHMANDU

All loyal readers of the Thunder should be well aware that your globetrotting correspondent is on a pre-season tour of the cricket hotspots of South East Asia. The past week has been spent playing and watching cricket in and around the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur and a fine hot and sticky satay time has been had by all.

During this sublime and sunny week, the Malaysian Cricket Association have been hosting a ten nation ODI tournament that serves as the Asian qualifier for the 2008 U/19 World Cup, also to be held at the same location next March. The ten teams competing include the host Malaysia, three times winner Nepal, Afghanistan, Thailand, United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Hong Kong, Singapore, Kuwait and Oman.

The winner of this tournament automatically qualify for the U/19 World Cup finals as do hosts Malaysia. The runner-up will play off against Scotland, the European division’s runner-up, at a yet to be decided venue in a last ditch chance for glory next month.

It has been a fantastic tournament and, I am reliably informed, a wonderful experience for all the young players and families involved. There is only the final to played on Wednesday with overwhelming favourite Nepal up against the hard and motivated lads from war-torn Afghanistan.

The Thunder was a spectator at yesterday’s semi-final between Malaysia and Nepal at the lushly modern Bayuemas Oval and the match was won in aggressive style by the Nepalese. Fast bowling allrounder and Nepalese captain Paras Khadka (pictured) routed the Malaysian top order with a fiery opening spell and finished with the figures of 5/21 from his allotted ten. I spoke with this impressive young man after the match and through his broken English I understood these words, “Australia, kangaroo, Ghurka, mother, father, win, good, thank you, fast, proud and happy”. Make of that what you will but the huge smile of satisfaction on Paras’ face breached all language barriers.

While near meaningless ODIs are being played in England and Zimbabwe this past week, it was heartening to be one of the few hundred to witness a crucial match with real consequences for the players and their representative nations. The cricket played was skilled, competitive and spirited and once again I was reminded that cricket is a grand global game played respectfully, and enjoyed peacefully, by people of all ages, cultures and beliefs.

The Nepalese who defeated South Africa and New Zealand at the 2006 U/19 World Cup are an emerging force in world cricket and within a few decades should be joining Pakistan, India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh as full members of the powerful Asian bloc. All of us at the Thunder wish them the best of luck as they climb the steep ladder to full recognition.

Back at the Shed spring has well and truly arrived. The wattle is in full bloom as is Peg’s predictable hayfever. Cookie our resident kookaburra has returned from her winter migration and Davo has finally cleaned the spark plugs on the lawnmower. Apart from Peg's sniffling and complaining all seems well in my absence and in between setting up the backyard telescope and stocking the esky for tonight's full lunar eclipse, Davo begrudgingly relayed news from back home.

Shaun Tait's elbow injury and Ben Hilfenhaus’ consequent selection in the T20 WC squad has had ramifications for other teams representing the sandy federated continent. Australia ‘A’ formerly known as the Second XI, are departing for a full tour of Pakistan on September 1 and Hilfenhaus’ ascendency has given Victorian veteran Shane Harwood another chance to prove himself internationally. Additionally, fellow Victorian allrounder James McDonald has succumbed to injury and his place has been taken by rising star, Tasmania’s Pura Cup final centurian and Man of the Match, Luke Butterworth.

Butterworth, who has only five first-class matches under his belt, was initially selected for full state honours halfway through last season after a recommendation to selectors from state and national captain, Ricky Ponting. Given his chance, 23 year old Butterworth proved Punter an astute judge. Young Luke turned four of the five games he played to Tasmania’s advantage, not only with bat and ball, but also with some brilliant outfielding and his performances were crucial to his team’s historic season. The Australian selectors are more impressed by cricketers who can impose themselves on a match rather than pure stats and The Shed has it on good authority that Butterworth is in the frame to one day replace Andrew Symonds as another versatile matchwinner in the national side.

In other good news from Downunder, Cricket NSW this week announced that the next Women’s World Cup will be played at various venues throughout metropolitan and rural NSW. Australia are defending champions and are hoping to once again hold up the trophy at the SCG in 18 months time. More than half the Australian team has retired since the last victorious campaign and with six teenagers in the 13 woman squad much work needs to be done before the start of this most important tournament. Women’s cricket is receiving more and more coverage in Australia and the cricketing family is hopeful that the ninth World Cup will raise the profile of the women’s game even further.

Lastly, as predicted by the Thunder months ago, Ricky Ponting has publicly championed Shane Watson to be Justin Langer’s replacement for the next Test versus Sri Lanka in November. Other opening contenders Phil Jaques and Chris Rogers have had abysmal County seasons averaging in the low 30s and will need some big scores on the board in the first two Pura Cup matches this coming season if they are to change the skipper’s mind. Ironically and paradoxically, thousands of County runs mean little to the Australian selectors - they do not rate the competition - but consistent failures are duly noted for future reference.

The team and I are headed to Kathmandu this afternoon in what we imagine to be a white-knuckle flight on a rusting ex-Russian wing-prop into the teeth of the Himalayas. We are expecting to be joining the street celebrations while avoiding the predictable government response after Nepal’s talented youngsters see off the gallant Afghanis to qualify for their fourth consecutive U/19 World Cup finals. If that is the case, and the form suggests it, then the cricket played in Nepal should be even more friendly, fun and engaging than promised.

T20 WC ROUND UP

Spring has arrived and for Davo and the rest of us at The Shed, that means pre-season training. While Davo's slogging his way through backyard circuit work and cursing interminably about the lawn not being mowed, I've been chinwagging with my mates, er, I mean, contacting the Thunder's excellent eavesdropping sources.

Slowly but surely Australian cricket is recovering from it's post-World Cup hangover and this week in preparation for the coming Twenty/20 World Championships we’re delighted to bring you a wrap of all the recent news concerning this somewhat premature tournament that begins on September 11.

Twenty/20 is still in its infancy Downunder - Australia has only played five matches - and the perpetually smirking Australian skipper Ricky Ponting constantly and patronisingly refers to the format as ‘hit and giggle’.

However, cricket starved paceman Brett Lee has an entirely different view, “Twenty/20 cricket has got a lot of merit. Parents can take the children down after school," he enthused. "On a hot day, it won't start until afternoon and there is lot of entertaining cricket as well - people hitting sixes, stumps flying everywhere."

Few in the squad share Brett’s ardency. Taking a breather while training with the Brisbane Broncos Rugby League squad earlier this week Andrew Symonds was bemoaning the fact that he, ”might have to take it seriously”. Considering that Andrew already has a T20 century under his belt and a career strike rate of 200+ one can only wonder what he will achieve when forced to apply himself.

In their infinite wisdom and natural indolence, the Australian selectors decided that the all-conquering and undefeated 2007 World Cup squad deserved first crack at the inaugural T20 tournament. There are however, a couple of forced changes to the bowling attack.

Brett Lee returns replacing the irreplaceable and incomparable Glenn McGrath and in what The Thunder considers a fantastic development, Shaun ‘Snowtown’ Tait failed to recover quickly enough from elbow surgery and has been substituted by the 2007 Bradman Medallist and cult Tasmanian hero, Ben Hilfenhaus.

It is lamentable that we will miss the shadenfreude of Lee and Tait bowling in tandem with a new ball at makeshift openers like Matt Prior, but there is no doubt that Tait would have been wayward and that is a luxury in such a short format.

23 year old Hilfenhaus, the brightest bowling prospect in a generation, has spent the entire winter working with reverse-swing guru and fellow Tasmanian, Troy Cooley. Hilfy's ability to move the ball away from right-handers, in the air and off the pitch, make him an ideal counterpoint for the pace of Brett Lee and the metronomic Stuart Clark. Add the left-arm angles and expert changes of pace that Nathan Bracken delivers, with the precocious ability of Mitchell Johnson, and Ponting looks to have more seam-bowling variety at his disposal than at any time during his successful reign.

The T20 Championships will be new coach Tim Nielsen’s first foray into international cricket and this alone is enough to make sure that Australia arrive in South Africa with all guns blazing. Tim noted this week that, “Pride is at stake” and reminded all that ”Australia take every match seriously”. That the team will wear their surnames on their backs instead of their nicknames and that Gilly won't be commentating is, I suppose, evidence of Australia's more earnest approach.

With a fit and motivated bowling attack and the strongest batting list in world cricket, Australia are overwhelming favourites to add the T20 Trophy to their already overflowing cabinet. It promises to be an interesting tournament and all of us at The Shed are anticipating a green and gold parade on the national team's return.

In other news, there is a rumour flying around The Shed, no doubt started by local chain-smoking gossip and irascible resident tea-lady Peg Milkingthorne. The unconfirmed whisper from The Dungeon is that a Googly Fantasy League will be created for this exciting tournament that begins in just under three weeks.

Davo, Peg and I certainly hope this is the case, for it sure will be fun matching wits with the other correspondents and especially our loyal readers. Pipping the Tooting Trumpet on the line again - as was the case at the last World Cup - would make it extra special.

We await further developments.

LONG LIVE THE KING

Optometrist Geoffrey Francis Lawson, son of Wagga Wagga and known throughout the continent as plain old Henry, recently accepted a lucrative offer from the Pakistan Cricket Board to coach the national squad for the next two years. It is a curious decision for both parties.

When first approached some two months ago Lawson scoffed at the offer. “A 1000 planets would have to align” was his curt response when asked if he was interested. His concerns were many and serious.

At the time rumour and innuendo were rife about the nature of Bob Woolmer’s demise. Lawson spoke of “safety being a big factor” and no-one doubted whose safety Geoff was referring. Once the police investigations were complete Lawson warmed a little towards such a prominent appointment stating, “Once the Woolmer event was resolved, that made me feel better about things”.

There were, however, other fears that needed assuaging. Most of them concerning the Pakistani players. Chief amongst these worries was the attitude of the cricketers. There is a discernment throughout the cricketing world that Pakistan are unfit, ill disciplined and poorly motivated. There is plenty of evidence that this is indeed the case. The recent World Cup debacle and the petulant forfeiture at Kennington Oval in 2006 are two of the more publicized attestations of recent years.

Their opening bowlers Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif were pulled from the 2006 Champions Trophy after producing a positive urine test for nandrolone. Taken predominately by post menopausal women to treat osteoporisis, ingesting the banned anabolic steroid earned the meretricious Akhtar a 24 month ban, and in a somewhat perplexing decision, the equally guilty Asif a 12 month stint in the nets. These convictions were soon overturned in controversial circumstances. The players were found not guilty on appeal not because they were innocent but because of a legal technicality from the original case.

Lawson. as befits a country squire with a liberal education, adores the moral high ground and this situation disturbs him. Ethically, Henry sees the world mostly in black and white and his attitude regarding performance enhancing drugs is well known. Pakistan officials have been told in no uncertain terms that if there is a repeat indiscretion Lawson will resign immediately. Considering that players take these substances in the shadows away from prying eyes, and knowing that Lawson is an intelligent, experienced and skilled media performer, it is an obstreperously ill directed public ultimatum that will undoubtedly bear a bitter fruit in the fertile political soil that is Pakistan cricket.

It is anathema to an Australian sportsman to not give total effort when competing in a team environment. It is linked to the mythical and ephemeral ANZAC spirit affectionately and colloquially known as mateship. “Not having a go” is the greatest sporting sin an athlete can commit. Three seasons back on Pakistan’s last tour of Australia, Lawson in the employ as cricket analyst at the publicly owned Australian Broadcasting Commission routinely described the visitors cricket as abysmal and their efforts disgraceful. Always the public diplomat Henry balanced his views with the diametrically disguised diatribe along the theme that the team was brimming with talent.

Now a rookie international coach Lawson has stressed the importance of pride, mongrel and respect on every occasion available. In a lengthy interview with Cricinfo’s Assistant Editor Nagraj Gollapudi, the new coach put forward his philosophy for turning around Pakistan’s pusillanimous performances.

“As a captain or a coach or even as a spectator or a selector or a board member you expect the players to give 100 percent every time they walk on the field; now that 100 percent might vary if they are injured or tired but if they walk on to the field and give their maximum all the time then everyone walks away satisfied. That's what Australia do so well: they treat every single game as very important. They never go at it half-hearted, they never go at it three-quarters, they are always doing their best to win every game. That is a great approach to follow - that every game of cricket you play you have to treat it like it's your last one.”

It would appear obvious to most that the Pakistan Cricket Board have appointed Lawson with this philosophical paradigm in mind. Only three coaches were interviewed and all were Australian. Despite his inexperience and the natural language barrier - only 4 players within Pakistan’s squad understand English - the PCB chairman Dr Nasim Ashraf has admitted that it is the quintessential Australian sporting nature of Lawson that got him the nod over his vastly more successful and qualified compatriot Dav Whatmore, “He is an educated no-nonsense fellow with a positive outlook and that Australian attitude we are looking for”. Lawson concurred, “I think they appreciate how the Australian approach to playing cricket is a successful one and that's what they're trying to tap into”.

Lawson, before accepting the poisoned chalice, also expressed concerns about the rise of Islamic fundamentalism in mainstream Pakistani culture and the fact that the Pakistan Cricket Board’s patron - the real boss - is military dictator General Pervez Musharraf. He cited reports that the players infatuation with Islam was affecting their cricket, even stating that he had heard that fielders were substituted during international matches to allow them to kneel towards the Kaba and pay homage from the prayer mat. For a secular cricketer like Lawson this recent development in Pakistani society and sporting culture is barely comprehensible. “I’ll be having none of that” was his final comment on the situation before appointment.

Coronated King Henry in the Pakistani media, Lawson has now softened his tone, "I believe they have overcome those obstacles," he said. "I think the board, the players and maybe some religious leaders have set out some conditions for when players can pray during matches, and how much work they can do during Ramadan. They are professional athletes, and as a coach you are looking for them to maximise their own potential.”

It is ironic that in a country that prohibits gambling that the PCB would plunge so heavily in entrusting Geoff Lawson with the stewardship of the national side. He possesses a mediocre decade old first-class coaching record and has no international experience, he understands very little about the changing nature of Pakistani society and he proudly possesses the natural lack of empathy required of an Australian Test quick. He said upon his appointment, "I don't suffer fools and I don't put up with second best”.

Combine Lawson’s quirks, insecurities and forthright attitude with the fractious nature of the Pakistani administration, an out of the loop and outspoken ex-player lobby, a newly appointed untested captain, a caviling squad with a poor work ethic, in addition to the widening linguistic, religious and cultural divide between the West and Pakistan, all under the unsleeping eye of an unpopular and tottering military dictatorship and it is not difficult to imagine some tough times ahead for the man affectionately known as Henry.

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS

Debate has raged down in the Dungeon about the walking non-issue. These types of arguments rarely rage at the Shed. Davo reckons it’s a complete waste of oxygen. The Marylebone Cricket Club’s Official Laws of Cricket are clear. Law 27 is explicit. In layman’s terms what it essentially says is that a batsman can give himself out if he wishes, but isn’t inclined to (27.1). Additionally, an umpire has the power to order a batsman back to the crease, if in his opinion he disagrees with the player’s misplaced morality (27.7). It ends with the incontrovertible phrase, “an umpires decision, once made, is final” (27.9).

In light of this debate and with a parched palette, your correspondent hitched a ride in Davo’s ute and headed down to the Wattle and Swan to have a beer with local umpire Dickie Cowans, a man that played and officiated in Lancastrian League cricket for over two decades before being seduced to emigrate to Australia with the love of his life, local sculptist and Quarry Road Cricket Club Scorer Rhonda Barrett.

An excellent Celtic flautist who once played at Buckingham Palace for the Queen Mother, Dickie began umpiring locally as soon as the Tasmanian Cricket Association allowed. With a veteran’s knowledge of the English game and six years experience in Australia, the Shed sought his views on walkers. Below lies the unedited transcription.

Nesta: G’Day Dickie.

Dickie: How are you old mate?

Nesta: Paddling upstream but she’ll be right. I was wondering if I could gauge your views on cricket for the website I write for occasionally.

Dickie: Googly isn’t it?

Nesta: That’s right.

Dickie: OK but it’s your shout. I had a read there the other day and saw that toff Cowdrey taking the high moral ground.

Nesta: We’re in harmony today Dickie because that is precisely what I’ve come to talk about. Before we begin could you start off and tell the readers how you were given the name Dickie when you first arrived in these parts?

Dickie: Well you know this story because you’re the bastard who gave it to me. And it has stuck to me like a bad smell. Where’s that beer?

Nesta: It’s coming. And it wasn’t me it was Bluey. Go on tell the story. You know what? I’ve just realized that I don’t even know the name your Mother gave you.

Dickie: It was my Father and it is Brian.

Nesta: Easy mate. Come on Dickie, just tell us the story. This is your chance to air your side of the tale.

Dickie: Yeah. OK. Well it was my first match umpiring down here and after being put through the wringer by the TCA, I was finally allowed to get back on the field.

Nesta: What happened with the TCA?

Dickie: They treated me poorly when I first arrived. They made me sit a beginners exam even though I’d already been umpiring back home for a dozen years. All’s forgiven now.

Nesta: Sounds fair. What did they say when you told them you were experienced and licensed in England?

Dickie: That I wouldn’t have any trouble passing the test!

Nesta: You probably thought he was joking! Hey Dickie, now what about that nickname?

Dickie: Yeah. Well I strolled out to the toss where you and Bluey from Sorell were waiting and you both started sledging me.

Nesta: That wasn’t sledging Dickie. And anyway, it was your own fault for wearing that silly white coat.

Dickie: Yeah well, if you let me finish.

Nesta: Sorry mate. Continue.

Dickie: As I was saying, you and the other captain were calling me Dickie and giggling like schoolgirls.

Nesta: Steady on Dickie. It’s a form of affection. You know that, don’t you?

Dickie: Well I do now but I didn’t then.

Nesta: Is that why you gave me out leg before to a ball missing leg by three feet?

Dickie: It was swinging back and hitting middle! And you batted all bloody day didn’t you?

Nesta: 112 before that dodgy decision if I remember correctly. Rhonda would have the book. It’s hard to forget centuries on the first day of the season. I know you didn’t mean it. It was late in the day and you were sweating buckets in that coat of yours.

Dickie: Are you printing this?

Nesta: I’m joking mate, we all know that umpires are bastions of integrity and honesty. Anyway, what do you think of walkers?

Dickie: Well, since living down here it's been pointed out to me that historically walking was a way for the upper class Poms to assert their moral authority over everybody else.

Nesta: That’s exactly what Cowdrey was doing then?

Dickie: What do you think, Nesta? Putting shit on the rest of us is a British ruling class tradition.

Nesta: Seen much walking down here?

Dickie: Never. I was told by old Tom Hawkins, he’s umpired for 40 years, that the real cheats are the walkers.

Nesta: What do you mean?

Dickie: Fellows that walk don’t do it all the time. So they plant a seed in the umpire’s mind that they are above suspicion. That way they are often given the benefit of the doubt when they do nick one.

Nesta: Not by old Tom, I bet. You're right. you don’t see too many blokes walking on 99. Did you see much walking when you umped and played in England?

Dickie: Remarkably Nest old man, I did.

Nesta: What was your job then? Walking coathanger?

Dickie: Not exactly.

Nesta: So walkers are not moral crusaders but con men. Is that right?

Dickie: I never thought so until I came to live here but I think that is a correct assessment.

Nesta: Should we suspend them for bringing the game into disrepute?

Dickie: Enough bloody questions Nesta. Where’s my ale? Being a celebrity is hard slog on a Sunday afternoon. Where’s your guitar? Let’s go out on the verandah, sit in the sun and play some tunes.

Nesta: Sounds like a plan, Dickie. I’ll get the beers.

FACING THE MUSIC

The hypnotic polyrhythms of Blackstar were emanating deep below the surface in the dank and funky UK Googly dungeons when the Editor phoned this week to request a follow up to last week’s Thunder Downunder column.

It appears that the mere mention of Australia fielding Ponting’s dream opening attack of Lee and Tait, hurling 150 kmh thunderbolts at English throats, has caused a climate of fear and a deluge of emails in the Old Dart. There was some idiotic defiance by a few with short attention spans but that was soon forgotten by the intermittent and fickle orgy of Twenty/20, Twelve/12, Ten/10, Eight/8 and Five/5 matches that are currently underway on the well drenched soil of Britain.

The Editor could barely be heard above the sweet melodies and ringing stinging crash cymbals as he communicated the groundswell and controversy. He instructed the Shed’s contacts to find which watering hole Boonie and Merv are currently occupying and to seek out their views on who will replace Justin Langer as Matthew Hayden's opening partner.

Big shoes to fill. Langer and Hayden are statistically one of the most successful opening partnerships in Test match history. Only the legendary West Indian pairing of Greenidge and Haynes have scored more runs for the first wicket. However, the Australians clearly have the superior average. Greenidge and Haynes scored 827 more runs but they played 35 more innings. Testament, no doubt, to Desmond and Gordon’s longevity and professionalism in an era when fewer Test matches were played each calendar year.

After accepting this assignment your correspondent negotiated a meagre expense account - enough for two phone calls - and also agreed to investigate the player that will replace Adam Gilchrist in the one-day set-up when he hangs up the yellow togs later this year or early next.

Even bigger boots to fill. Gilly is unarguably the best wicket-keeper batsman to grace the modern game and while his skills are diminishing he can still perform at the highest level. His match-winning 149 from 104 balls in the World Cup final will surely be recorded as one of the finest innings ever produced by a one-day opening batsman.

After one well placed phone call to the conscientious, fluorescent orange dungareed volunteers of the Victorian State Emergency Service, we discovered the mo mafia snuggled on the bar, splashing their feet in the now stagnant floodwaters inside the Burrabogie Island Sailing and Fishing Club.

Before Big Merv and his little mate were dragged away kicking and cursing by rescuers in a rubber dinghy, a few insights were gleaned and below is the run-down on the players likely to face the new ball and the fresh pacemen this coming summer.

Brad Hodge - Age 32
66 Centuries
This week desperately and insecurely volunteered to replace Justin Langer as Test opener. It won’t happen. Has a slim chance of securing the one-day opening position. Has impressed of late as a middle order bat in pyjamas but there are still doubts about his technique to the ball moving away. His best chance of securing a long-term Test place is if Michael Hussey opens.

Michael Hussey - Age 32
62 Centuries
Averages 80 from his 16 Tests and 59 from 72 ODIs. Easily the best candidate to open in the five day arena but his crucial Bevan-like finishing position in the ODI squad makes his selection as Test opener a schizophrenic proposition. If any player in the squad could fill two vastly different roles and not let it affect his game, it is Mister Cricket.

Phil Jaques - Age 28
39 Centuries
The incumbent. The prolific southpaw is the perfect carbon copy replacement for Justin Langer in the Test squad if the selectors opt to keep Hussey in the middle order. Has scored runs on all surfaces and has proved himself time and again. Questions remain over his fielding and that is enough to keep him out of the loop where limited-overs cricket is concerned.

Michael Clarke - Age 26
26 Centuries
The golden boy of Australian cricket with a long and illustrious career ahead. His boyhood hero was Mark Waugh and Pup would love to open the batting for the ODI team. Has done the job on nine occasions for eight wins and has excelled averaging 63. A strong candidate and obvious successor to open when Gilchrist retires.

Chris Rogers - Age 29
22 Centuries
Demanded selection in the contracted squad due to his gritty run scoring consistency over the last five domestic summers. Short sighted and colour blind, Chris would be a surprising first choice replacement for Langer but if the ginger tenacious leftie was given the job he wouldn’t let the side down.

Shane Watson - Age 26
13 Centuries
Possible opener in both forms of the game. Will open for Queensland with Hayden in the first two Pura Cup matches at the start of the summer and if he succeeds he may get Langer’s job. The most technically correct batsman in the squad and a favourite of Ponting. Opened at the last Champions Trophy and acquitted himself well. Will be in both teams but it is still uncertain what his role will be.

Brad Haddin - Age 29
12 Centuries
Gilchrist’s obvious replacement in the one-day squad and opens the batting in limited-overs cricket for NSW. Under pressure from Tasmania’s Tim Paine and West Australia’s Luke Ronchi and will need to perform when chances present to keep his contract next year.

Matthew Hayden has been reported as saying that he intends playing on indefinitely to guide the next set of openers into the international arena. Hussey would be the best choice in Test matches but balance also needs to be considered so Phil Jaques will probably get the nod for the first Test against Sri Lanka in November. Shane Watson is the roughie and cannot be discounted. In the one-day arena Michael Clarke looks set to emulate his hero but once again Watson’s name is on the short list.

Overall Australia’s batting stocks are strong and whoever the selectors choose will be under pressure to keep their spot. With 27 Tests and innumerable ODIs scheduled in the next 18 months Australia’s top order should be well and truly settled when they arrive in England in 2009.

MIDWINTER BLUES

The midwinter solstice is history for yet another year and all at the shed are wildly rejoicing. Apart from anticipating waxing the board and cracking open the home-brew, lengthening sunshine allows for an extra over or two in the backyard before the batsman begs for mercy and a bad light decision. The countdown has begun and there are only 108 days to the beginning of the Australian domestic season. In the meantime the national squad will play the Twenty/20 World Cup and a 7 match ODI series in India but unless the editors of this fine publication generously adjust their priorities, the crew at the shed will be watching those matches on the flat-screen.

With blue skies and warmer days approaching it is time that your correspondent faced what he has been deliberately ignoring for most of 2007. Impermanence, like the snow melting into the rocky earth of Kosciusko has taken some months to sink in. It’s time to accept that the retirements of Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne will forever change the make-up of Australia's bowling stocks.

Pigeon was the rock on which the pace attack was constructed. Shane was an automatic selection for 15 years. Many pundits have opined that they will be impossible to replace and Australia will now come back to the field in international cricket. Here at the shed we are not convinced but like all things, time will tell.

When the Australian selectors, mo mafia David Boon and Merv Hughes, solicitor Andrew Hilditch and apprentice Jamie Cox, named the contracted squad at the beginning of May, this malady was in the forefront of their collective minds. Over an unshaven frothy glass with Boonie through the week he enlightened the Thunder to the process. Players were chosen on their form from last season and the likelihood of national selection over the next 12 months taking into account who Australia plays. The balance of the side and the need to ensure the future development of the Test and one-day international team was paramount.

The batsman picked themselves and four wrist-spinners, White, Bailey, Hogg and Macgill were selected to cover for Warne’s absence. Eight fast bowlers were chosen blending youth and experience, left and right arms, swing and seam with both red and white ball.

With the cold, hard truth staring us keenly in the eye, the occupants of the shed ran the rule over the squad of quicks and present for our cherished and beloved visitors our collective wisdom for your leisurely perusal.

Brett Lee - Age 30
499 international wickets
This summer is the defining season in Brett’s career. Now that McGrath is retired it will be up to Bing to become the leader and spearhead of the attack. Injured and bitterly disappointed at missing the World Cup the blonde speedster will want to make up for lost opportunities by terrorizing the Sri Lankans and Indians who have never been entirely comfortable on the hard bouncy pitches on the Australian continent. Often brilliant in the 50 over format the jury is still out when it comes to the longer form of the grand game.

Jason Gillespie - Age 32
402 international wickets
The not-so-old stager deserves his place in the squad after a solid domestic season playing in a poor South Australian team. Obviously needed for his experience and guile, Dizzy would be a welcome inclusion not only for his tight bowling but for his resolute batting. Lost a yard of pace but has adjusted in the last 12 months and is expected to teach the younger more inexperienced bowlers what is required for a long career at the international level..

Nathan Bracken - Age 29
128 international wickets
Regarded by some as a one-day specialist Bracks like all his team-mates had a great World Cup. Has only played 5 Tests to date but with 25 Test matches to be contested between now and December 2008 he is sure to play a few more. His skill at reverse swing and his newly developed clever changes of pace has made him a difficult prospect in all conditions.

Stuart Clark - Age 31
84 international wickets
A late bloomer Stu has excelled in Test matches and will be the obvious replacement for McGrath. From the same Sydney grade club as Pigeon he has modelled himself on the great man and will be the first bowler selected when Australia’s next Test rolls around in November.

Shane Watson - Age 26
65 international wickets
The big hope of Australian cricket. If Watson can fulfill his potential he may eventually be regarded as Australia’s best allrounder since Keith Miller. Will allow Ponting an extra pace bowling option and will more than likely bat at 6 or 7 and eventually replace Gilchrist as Australia’s premier allrounder.

Shaun Tait - Age 24
33 international wickets
Prematurely selected during The 2005 Ashes, the injury prone paceman has recently had elbow surgery and hopes to recover for the Twenty/20 World Cup. If he and Lee are ever fit at the same time the selectors will be tempted to play them both. Ponting has made no secret of his desire to have Lee and Tait bowling in tandem at the world’s best bats. A frightening and most entertaining prospect and if it ever occurs Australia will have a 21st century version of Lillee and Thomson.

Mitchell Johnson - Age 25
26 international wickets
Identified and fast-tracked through the system by Dennis Lillee left-arm Johnson is another youngster of which much is expected. Quick, tall and accurate, Mitch may have to wait another season or two to cement a place in the first XI. He will be competing with fellow left-armer Bracken for a place and could probably do with another solid season for Queensland under his belt before he is ready.

Ben Hilfenhaus - Age 24
3 international wickets
Incredibly Ben was laying bricks for a living less than 12 months ago. After taking a record number of wickets in a domestic season and with his laconic rural Tasmanian demeanor, Hilfenhaus is already a cult hero through out the continent. An intelligent quick who can swing it both ways as well as being a master of seam and length Ben regularly took top order wickets and was the key to Tasmania winning it’s first ever domestic 4 day trophy. Many good pundits within the cricket community think that Hilfenhaus may be one of the Baggygreen’s all-time greats. There is a lot of pressure on the lad and it will be interesting to see how he develops over the next 18 months.

Combined Warne and McGrath snared 1949 international wickets. Their absence does leave a great big hole in Australia’s bowling set-up. Of that there is no doubt. In the next 12 months it is likely that all eight selected quicks will get an opportunity to push for permanent selection. Only Stuart Clark at this stage is certain of a place at the beginning of the next Test series against Sri Lanka. Watson, if he can stay fit, will play as a batting allrounder. Macgill will be the spinner and so that only leaves two spots for the other six contracted pace bowlers to fill. Competition will be fierce and it is going to be very interesting witnessing the evolution of Australia’s next generation of bowling partnerships.

THE AUSTRALIAN METHOD

In the ten weeks since the conclusion of the 2007 World Cup every Test playing nation with the exceptions of South Africa and New Zealand have replaced or are in the process of replacing their head coach. Some transitions have been seamless. Other plans have come embarrassingly unstitched. However, one constant thread weaves its way through each and every country's coaching dramas, dilemmas and decisions. Australians. They were either departing, long-listed, short-listed, coveted, seduced, rejected or appointed. It would seem that cricket administrators the world over consider a coach in possession of a passport emblazoned with emu and kangaroo an important ingredient on the road to success.

Late last week Sri Lanka hired their fifth Australian coach in a decade when they recruited New South Wales incumbent Trevor Bayliss to replace the reluctant Tom Moody. The self-professed high-powered Sri Lankan selection committee, comprising such luminaries as Aravinda de Silva and Duleep Mendis, interviewed current Queensland coach Terry Oliver and John Buchanan's assistant Jamie Siddons before being captivated by Bayliss' presentation. After witnessing Trevor's salesmanship first-hand SLC secretary Kanangan Mathivanan said: "When we knew how good he was, we signed him up immediately because there are a lot of countries head-hunting for coaches at present."

Bayliss' good fortune at landing such a plum coaching position now leaves NSW without a mentor for the up-coming 2007/08 season. Former NSW coaches Geoff Lawson and Steve Rixon would both enjoy the opportunity of replacing Bayliss at the SCG but Cricket NSW administrators would be wise to wait for the Pakistan board to appoint their coach before they make a definitive decision.

Under tight security, Geoff Lawson flew to Islamabad on Saturday to personally submit his application as Woolmer's successor, while Rixon appears uninterested despite several advances from Pakistan chairman Dr. Nasim Ashraf. Former ICC high performance manager Richard Done and 1996 World Cup winning coach Dav Whatmore are also in the mix to become Pakistan's next coach.

Whatmore recently finished his 4 year Bangadeshi contract with his already impressive reputation intact. Although invited to extend his tenure, Dav declined, choosing instead to apply for the unadvertised position as the chief of Team India. That he was not considered for the short list, or the long list presumably, must have been a shock. The BCCI in their wisdom instead offered the job to recalcitrant South African Graham Ford and bizarrely interviewed John Emburey rather than talk to Dav. It appears that Bangladesh's victory and subsequent elimination of India at the recent World Cup has cut deep in Indian cricket circles.

Whatmore's best chance of an international job now lies in the Pakistan appointment but the fact the PCB were very keen to speak with Lawson after interviewing Dav doesn't bode well. Perhaps Whatmore will be offered the NSW top job after the international coaching positions are filled. But then again, perhaps not. The Blues have always employed one of their own as leader and as Dav has Victorian ties it would be a surprise if he landed the job.

Whatmore's assistant and Bangladesh U/19 and ‘A’ team coach, Darwin grade legend Shaun Williams, was appointed as the young Tigers interim boss for the soon tour of Sri Lanka. In a logical decision that led to an easy transition, Williams won out over highly regarded Australian team performance analyst Richard McInnes. The BCB general secretary Mahbub Anam stressed that the Williams posting was on a series to series basis and that the board were hopeful of Dav’s return. He stated at a mid-week press conference, "Our door is still open for Whatmore. He is a great coach and the Bangladesh team has improved a lot during his four-year tenure." Reports have also indicated that the BCB have created a vastly improved salary package to induce Whatmore back to Dhaka if he fails in his bid to secure the Pakistan position.

Current English tourists, West Indies, replaced former Queensland and Australian Academy coach Bennett King after a dismal World Cup with assistant David Moore. Moore a former NSW wicket-keeper has been Bennett’s right-hand man since his Academy days and he has a tough job ahead of him to create a winning environment within the disparate Caribbean structure.

Assuming Pakistan choose Lawson, Whatmore or Done as coach, five of the nine Test playing countries will have an Australian at the helm of their international squads. The infatuation with the Australian way has been a cricketing trend for well over a decade with only South Africa and England not employing an Australian as head coach in that period. It should be noted, however, that Rod Marsh and Troy Cooley made a significant impact on English cricket during their terms as Academy chief and fast-bowling mentor respectively.

This fetish for employing coaches from the Australian system raises an interesting question. Do Australians manage cricket teams better than other nationalities? Most Australain coaches of overseas sides have had mixed success. In fact no country with an Australian at the helm, Dav Whatmore’s Sri Lankans excepted, have defeated Australia in a Test series or World Cup match. The evidence suggests that having an Australian coach is no panacea for success but rather a nostrum, especially when playing the four-time World Champions.

It would appear cricket administrators are under the impression that the Baggygreen sheen will rub off on their own squads by the mere association with Australian methods and personnel. Ricky Ponting while visiting Bangladesh and India this past week put that myth into perspective.

“A coach is only as good as his team.” Punter said during a corporate function to promote Run Ricky Run, a charitable venture he is conducting with the sponsorship of a leading Indian bank. “He needs to be a good man manager and know his players but as for coaching, I’m not convinced. For example there is not a coach on Earth that could teach Anil Kumble how to bowl a better leg-break.”

After further questioning Ponting then debunked the myth further when he said, "If the national side hadn't been playing as well as it had been doing over the past few years, I don't think Australian coaches would have been much sought after. What a team needs is a man manager. Someone who manages time well, thinks outside the sphere of cricket and challenges the players everyday."

He then went on to say that the selectors role in managing generational change is more important than the work of the coach, "I think the Australian selectors handled it very well. Whenever there was a group of players of the same age on the verge of retirement, they brought on youngsters regularly."

Upon hearing of Ricky’s sentiments Australian selector Merv Hughes agreed and humorously quipped during his regular Sunday morning television appearance, “No coach in the game of cricket should be regarded as a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein”.

With men like the moustachioed Mervyn masterminding the Australian method, is it any wonder that the burly blokes from Downunder are desired across the globe for their cricketing expertise?

In late breaking news, NSW chief executive Dave Gilbert announced this afternoon that NSW Second XI coach Matthew Mott will succeed Trevor Bayliss as NSW senior coach for season 2007/08.

FISHING WITH ROY

This week an eerie hush fell over the shed. Even the cockatoos were absent from their morning routine of squawking raucously while ripping the verandah rails to shreds. Still, news has filtered through of Shane Warne’s five-for in a losing team at the beautiful Arundel Castle. Also Phil Jaques did his hopes of filling the vacant Australian opening slot no harm, scoring 124 in Worcestershire’s massive record equalling first innings total of 701 for 6 declared. Marcus North scored a fine century and snagged four wickets with his gentle off-breaks in an exciting match at Gloucester, while Victorian captain Craig White scored a ton playing for Somerset in their thrashing of Leicestershire.

In one-day action Brad Hodge continued his run of good form with 119 not out for Lancashire and the ever impressive Warne was influential with ball taking 3 for 30 from his 10 overs in Hampshire’s 2 run win against Kent.

With the off-season shenanigans in full swing and little to report on except roadkill and torrential rain, your nomadic reporter was favoured indeed when his mate Davo popped by the shed for a few cold ones. Not only did Davo have the compassion to fill the fridge but he also brought with him a DVD of a pilot television program made recently in Brisbane with the apposite title of Fishing with Roy.

In a Googly exclusive your Australian correspondent has been fortunate enough to view the show and although Davo reckons it is top secret, I am permitted to share the basic plot and a few of the gags with the good readers of the Thunder Downunder.

It begins on a perfect Queensland morning with a zooming wide-shot of a zinced-lipped Andrew 'Roy' Symonds chatting amicably with a grinning Matthew Hayden as the two big men stroll down a long wharf, tackle box and esky in hand. While boarding a spanking new 7.6 metre executive vessel at a luxurious Gold Coast canal marina, Symonds looked straight to camera and confidently exclaimed, ’G’Day. This morning on Fishing with Roy we're heading out to Stradbroke reef to rustle up some tucker that my mate Matt’s gonna cook-up for us a bit later on.’

The sparkling sunshine sprinkled transient natatorial diamonds as Roy and Haydos wrestled jocularly over the wheel. A friendly argument broke out until Andrew reminded Matt of the sinking of Our Lady. Matthew then reluctantly relinquished his hold on the wheel. Our Lady was Hayden’s 4.8 metre fishing boat that he capsized and sunk on the Stradbroke bar in 1999. That Roy was his passenger at the time and they had to swim for 90 minutes across the treacherous waters of Moreton Bay had not been forgotten. Roy finished the exchange with, ‘Look mate you almost killed us the last time you were skipper.’ Smiling a broad white-lipped grin he continued, ‘And when we swam through that school of pilchard I was secretly hoping a hungry shark mistook you for a fat seal.’

That sorted, Symonds took the wheel and charted the boat towards the Pacific Ocean. Before entering the vast aquatic wilderness Roy slowed the vessel so Matthew could lay a couple of pots in strategic locations along the river. As Matthew talked to camera about rancid flesh being irresistible to crayfish, Roy snuck up behind him as he was laying the last trap and pushed him in the drink while laughing hysterically. It became clear very early on who was the alpha male on this ship.

Cruising out to sea, salty dread ropes blowing across his face, Roy educated on various methods of tying hooks and the appropriate way to maintain your reel. He spoke with genuine excitement about different types of rod and bait selection. He was especially keen to show off his tackle box of home-made lures. His favourite a red, green, purple and white iridescent creation was made from feather of corella, lyrebird and rosella and the wing cuticle of a long dead Christmas Beetle. It was a sight to behold as he twirled it between his forefinger and thumb for the viewers, and his own, kaleidoscopic delight.

Matthew resplendently ridiculous in lime-green board shorts, yellow sponsor’s singlet, florescent orange life-jacket and sandals, reminded about the importance of the laws concerning water safety. With a wide smile he told a few anecdotes and Ricky received a grand bollocking about his comb-over and much deep chucking mirth followed.

Eventually, the fishing began and Roy was pulling them in from port and starboard, stern and bow. His knowledge of nomenclature, piscal anatomy and habitat was impressive. Matt elucidated about the environment, biodiversity and the need to leave something behind for the 2051 Ashes squad. Roy also demanded that he clean the fish. Matthew objected to this chore so Roy looked him square in the eye and said, ‘What’s the show called, mate. Fishing with Roy not Fishing with Boofhead’. With those words ringing in his ears Hayden clinically disemboweled a gasping mackerel with the same fury and ferocity he normally reserves for the new ball.

They enjoyed a beer or two and a chinwag on the return leg with a hilarious exchange of views concerning the poopdeck and touring India with Warnie. After clearing the craypots Roy expertly pulled into the wharf of a palatial Gold Coast mansion. There was much merriment as it was explained that it was Damien Martyn's place and he wasn't expecting them.

Matt sparked up the red-brick barbeque while Roy sneaked through Marto's back door, camera in one hand, tempestuous snapping lobster in the other, and punk'd him showing his cut shot to a lively Queensland wannabe supermodel. After the initial shock and some coaxing out of the bedroom, a rueful Damien put his disheveled lass in a cab and joined the boys out the back for a feed.

Hayden all spices and sweat, cooked up a storm whilst sucking on a stubby. He displayed with an easy-going charm how to fillet, marinate and cook the meat to perfection. He chopped herb, bulb and seed with the skill, dexterity and soft hands required to play the latest of late-cuts and then dressed the fish with the imagination of a culinary tailor. It was obvious that he was just as comfortable with blade, tongs and fire as he is with willow.

Martyn, wearing loud pink Hawaiian shirt, khaki cargo pants and his ever-shining Hollywood grin, whipped up a tasty salad that his Mum taught him to make while being sledged repeatedly for his earlier dalliance with his amorous anorexic acquaintance.

The show ended with the three of them tucking in at an outdoor table on the patio as a red sun descended into the Darling Downs. Davo’s mail is that the TV executives were impressed and some episodes will be recorded professionally between the Twenty/20 World Cup and the start of the Australian season.

It was a great show for a first effort and a terrific advertisement for the Queensland way of life. It was laidback and the blokey affection Roy and Matt displayed was genuine and heartwarming. Busting Damien Martyn was special and Davo and I agree that Shane Watson attending the hairdresser would be the perfect next target to get Roy'd.

THE LONG ROAD TO 2011

Another busy week in the Thunder sheds with Greg Blewett and Shane Warne spitting the dummy, Adam Gilchrist contemplating retirement from the one-day arena and Damien Wright breaking down - not for the first time - on an off-season mortgage lopping adventure in Wales.

The editors were startled at the response to the debut column last week but were a bit miffed to have to sort through the hundreds of emails that arrived in their inbox. (Thanks Mum but from now on send them to my address. Or better yet, Dad’s.) So impressed were my generous employers that they provided a one-way ticket on the Ghan and a single complimentary meal voucher to the Darwin Harbour fish and chip shop for the week long ICC World Cricket League Third Division qualifying tournament for the 2011 World Cup played last week in the tropical Northern Territory capital. With no accommodation provided I fortunately discovered a luxuriant mango tree to sleep under outside Marrara Oval. The tree was laden and your correspondent was victorious most nights in a fierce nocturnal tropical fruit battle with a colony of flying fox and a concupiscent possum. The spoils were sticky and organically delicious.

Despite my benefactors best efforts I survived and hitched a ride back to the sheds with a shotgun toting, ute driving, flannelette and denim wearing Anglican vicar named Brenda, who kindly lent me her hair-dryer to exsiccate the guano off my notes when we stopped for a dip at Mataranka. While soaking in the hot springs and staring at the starry desert sky, my sky-god loving companion, resplendent in crucifix pendant and Akubra, pointed out the irony of fighting sharp-clawed arboreal beasts to survive in a town named after the legendary evolutionist.

I’d very much like to enlighten you, dear readers, on the machinations of the qualifying system for the 2011 World Cup but unfortunately Messrs Duckworth and Lewis have not responded to my calls or messages. When I do call I hear a computer voice detailing the statistical likelihood of either Mr Duckworth or Mr Lewis being in their office at any given moment in time and space. Currently it is 0.354569874512. I rummaged around the bottom drawer and found the slide-rule and after much cursing and confusion, your correspondent calculated much to his disappointment, that the infamous mathematicians were currently putting on the 13th green of the Belle Mare Golf Course situated on the lush Indian Ocean island of Mauritius.

Suffice to say that of the eight nations represented at this Division Three tournament, the top two go on to the next stage - unsurprisingly called the Division Two tournament - that is contested at Windhoek, Namibia in November.

There were two groups of four and Group A consisted of Argentina, Fiji, Italy and Papua New Guinea. While the Group B participants were Cayman Islands, Hong Kong, Tanzania and Uganda.

Group B was won with relative ease by Uganda winning all three matches by margins of 91 runs versus Hong Kong, 4 wickets in a low scoring contest with Tanzania and 26 runs against second placed Group B nation Cayman Islands.

Group A was far more exciting with three nations Argentina, Papua New Guinea and Italy, each winning two out of three, separated at the end of the first phase by run rate. Argentina topped the group with Papua New Guinea earning the other semi-final place. The luckless Italians, winners of the first and best match of the tournament against Argentina, were squeezed out by an inferior run-rate.

So after a dozen group matches where some good spirited cricket was played and many mangoes on grassy mounds consumed, the confirmed semi-finalists were, Uganda v Papua New Guinea and Argentina v Cayman Islands. These two matches was where the real prize would be decided, a place in the next round of qualification.

In the first semi, the unfancied Argentinians knocked over the pre-tournament favourites Cayman Islands for a paltry 102 runs in 40 overs. The hero was Argentina’s captain and burgeoning heart-throb Esteban MacDermott. The tall and athletic 25 year old MacDermott turned many a ladies head whilst in Darwin and on the hill at the Gardens Oval a throng of tanned local lassies were swooning and yelping as he blew them a kiss after everyone of his 4 crucial wickets.

The Bargies - as they were affectionately nicknamed in Darwin - lost wickets regularly in their chase and at one stage looked in danger of losing when 66-6, but the cool and quiet efficiency of wicketkeeper Alejandro Ferguson saw them home with 4 wickets and 94 balls to spare.

This was a brilliant and quite unexpected performance from the team in sky blue. They were only included in this tournament because of the suspension of the United States by the ICC. Before the tournament began hardly a soul gave the men from South America a metaphorical snowball’s chance of qualifying to Division Two. Many times they were under pressure and responded with spirit, passion and a fierce determination.

Their captain was brimming with pride at the post-match press conference.

“The boys could have easily lost focus or confidence after the one wicket defeat against Italy," MacDermott said, "but they remained committed and stayed on track because they trusted their instincts. This is the reward for their dedication and continuous hard work.

The man of the match then humbly gave credit where it was due and most unusually and perhaps dangerously for a South American called football, soccer.

"The credit for our promotion to Division Two not only goes to the team but to the entire support staff and all those who backed us all the way. Our performance in the tournament shows how rapidly cricket is growing in our country where soccer remains the first-choice sport."

The other semi featured the unbeaten and athletic Ugandans up against the plucky Papua New Guineans. The Ugandans were unbackable favourites in this contest but the Pappies - they love a nickname in the Top End - would not see their World Cup dreams dissolve without a fight. They fought tooth and nail and in a see-sawing contest the Ugandans prevailed by one wicket with 4 balls to spare.

The Pappies skipper Rava Dikarna called correctly and batted on a well prepared pitch at the Tracy Village Oval. Early wickets were lost as the new-ball seamed around - a feature of this tournament - and at one stage PNG were reeling at 32-4. The beefy Mahuru Dai rescued the innings with an impressive 86 in 93 deliveries. He was ably assisted by John Ovia’s patient 43 and Asad Vala who scored a brisk unbeaten 40 to help the Pappies to the respectable and defendable 203-6 from their 50 overs.

Uganda’s chase under a hot and harsh tropical sun began in the worst way imaginable when young left-handed Arthur Kyobe was adjudged lbw to a booming inswinger delivered by PNG right-arm quick Hitolo Arena. Indonesian umpire Shahul Hammed considered it plum and had no hesitation in raising his wagging index finger. Undeterred by the brevity of the occasion 17 year old Roger Mukasa impetuously flayed the new ball around the park and when he was dismissed for 43 from 32 balls the Ugandans were off to a flyer at 75-2 from 12 overs.

After the fireworks from Mukasa the PNG boys dug deep knowing that all their hopes of proceeding further in this World Cup depended on the next few hours cricket. A superb spell of off-spin bowling by the wily veteran James Brazier triggered a mid-innings collapse and his unbroken spell yielded the impressive figures of 10-4-17-4. Brazier mixed up his deliveries in a masterclass of off-spin bowling and with the help of allrounder Ovia, who chimed in with 3 late wickets, the favourites Uganda were in trouble at 188-9 still needing 14 runs to get off 21 balls. Man of the match Kenneth Kamyuka steered the Ugandans to safety with a mature run a ball 43 not out, and his last wicket partnership with bunny Charles Waiswa where Kamyuka intelligently farmed the strike scoring all 14 runs, proved to be as anxious a finish as you could wish to witness.

The Ugandans were thrilled to progress to the next stage and their captain Joey Olweny told Cricinfo, "Obviously now we want to win the final and have immediately set our eyes at Argentina, but for the time being we want to enjoy this achievement because when we left our shores, the target was to qualify for the final and earn a place in Division Two. It has been a very tense and pressurised match and the boys have more than one reason to celebrate. The boys really deserve it."

The semi-final winners Argentina and Uganda celebrated their qualification with gusto and deservedly so. They will now join Denmark, Oman, United Arab Emirates and the host nation, Namibia in Windhoek in November.

The final played at the pristinely prepared Gardens Oval on a sunny breathless Saturday was a casual affair with only prestige at stake and it was won by the Ugandans by 91 runs keeping intact their unbeaten record in the tournament.

Your correspondent, despite sleeping in the long-grass and battling the fauna for his nightly tucker witnessed one of the most delightful cricket carnivals that has graced Australian soil. Eight teams from four continents consisting entirely of amateurs played their cricket in good spirits with smiles on their faces and the commitment and the desire you would expect from men who have given their time, many at a personal cost, to represent their nations. The cynicism that often surrounds the major nations of international cricket was absent and the ICC deserve the highest praise for creating a path for all 97 countries in the cricketing family to compete for a place at the 2011 World Cup.

In addition the umpires from the Asian and Pacific countries of Indonesia, Singapore, Papua New Guinea, Australia and Japan did a splendid job without technical aids. Not one player was reported for dissent during the whole 20 matches and the Spirit of Cricket was enthusiastically embraced by all the teams.

In other news filtering through to the shed, two Ugandan players, teenagers Patrick Ochan and Jimmy Okello, have been reported missing in Darwin after failing to board the plane with their team-mates on their long and disjointed journey back to Kampala. Few are concerned for their safety with it likely that the lads enjoyed Darwin’s legendary hospitality to its fullest and have decided to continue their celebrations. Who could blame them. The mangoes are ripe, the tropical Arafura Sea is warm and the women friendly and beautiful.

The pessimists are always keen to denigrate the future prospects of international cricket. These myopic mental midgets fail to understand what cricket is really about. It isn’t about corporate boxes or match receipts or politics. It is a game. A glorious and ancient game based on fraternity, competition and equality. This week in tropical Darwin the Thunder Downunder witnessed the future of this grandest of games. Vibrant, egalitarian, sporting and global.

SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE

The Googly’s editors in their infinite deep-pocketed wisdom have seen fit to belatedly employ an Australian resident to write a weekly column for this ever-growing website’s legion of loyal readers. I would like to think it was because of popular demand or my clever wit and charisma but if the truth was revealed, it was due to my less than respectable grovelling and willingness to be paid a pittance. The weak Australian dollar, Punter’s battle against alopecia and our world champion status probably had a part to play as well.

Each week I am planning to bring all the news, views and quirky events that surround the Australian cricket scene. Might even get around to discussing an actual match or two. In the meantime it is the off-season Downunder, colloquially known as brass-monkey time, and due to the lack of on-field action coupled with it being my debut, it would seem foolish to set the bar too high too early.

So for the first column let's scrape the bottom of the barrel and let me illuminate you - our cherished and curious readers - to some of the more salubrious details of the Craig McDermott sex-tape scandal.

Big Billy McDermott, the ginger haired former opening bowler of the 1980s and early 1990s has described the public knowledge of the theft of a homemade sex-tape and subsequent extortion as the “most embarrassing days of my life”. Mrs Mac hasn’t spoken publicly about the ordeal but rumours are circulating that she is far from impressed with her hubby’s impotent - away from the camera at least - behaviour.

McDermott, described in the mainstream media as a millionaire Gold Coast property developer, had his luxury cruiser looted early last year and amongst the booty was the offending steamy video tape.

The thief, a sleazy goatee enthusiast named in court documents as Josef Vigan, managed to extort a reported $AU75,000 from Billy over several months. Unknown to Billy’s porn partner, his wife, McDermott met and paid the alleged criminal on several occasions at suburban locations to prevent the action being released on the internet. Your columnist can only assume that Billy’s performance was not as impressive as some of his 14 five wicket hauls in the baggygreen.

Months after the theft Mrs Mac discovered that the bank balance was a bit light and under what I presume was a heavy hitting verbal attack across the kitchen table, Billy finally informed the missus of his limp response to the blackmailer’s demands. As you would expect she was livid and the next day the Queensland police were informed. A sting was set-up and the offender, with tape in brown paper bag, was reported to have been crash-tackled in the Southport Hungry Jack's carpark a few days later.

The tape that the alleged extortionist was carrying, when played, showed him unwrapping Christmas presents under a flashing plastic pine tree. He appeared before a judge this week and has been bailed to return later on this year in the Brisbane Magistrates Court.
The offending tape is still to be found and I can guarantee the readers that the Googly Oz correspondent has a team of undercover detectives - a few of my less than respectable well-connected mates - searching far and wide to locate it. If found it will be posted and a link provided before you can orgiastically moan, Howzat.

THE GOOGLY’S OZ TEAM OF THE WEEK

Bill Johnston - Died at the age of 85 last Thursday. Wisden cricketer of the year in 1949, Bill was an integral member of Don Bradman’s 1948 Invincibles. A left-arm medium-pace bowler with the newer ball and a canny finger spinner with the old, he played 40 Tests in the baggygreen between 1947 and 1955, taking 160 wickets at 23.91. An intelligent, humble and good-humoured gentleman, Bill will be sadly missed by all who knew him. Rest in peace old Bill, you served your country and family with distinction and set a living example for us all to follow.

The ICC Intercontinental Cup - A fantastic tournament came to an end when Ireland played Canada in the final. Fittingly for a final, Australians were in charge of both teams.

Craig McDermott - An even redder face and 75 grand lighter for being caught with his boat unlocked and his pants down.

Luke Butterworth - Tasmania’s hero of the Pura Cup finally knocked back the offer to play the off-season in England to begin his studies at University. He is studying to be a teacher and would like to work at his alma mater, Bridgewater Public School situated on the rough and tumble side of Hobart Town.

Trent Johnstone - The Wollongong born Irish skipper bowled brilliantly with the new ball against Canada taking 4 for 12 off 10 overs on the first morning to set up the innings and 115 run shellacking.

Jeremy Bray - The former New South Welshman scored a match defining 146 from 152 balls in an aggressive 3 hour innings, scoring 54 more than the entire Canadian team in the first innings of Intercontinental Cup Final played at Grace Road.

Tom Moody - Tipped by the team at the Oz Googly months ago, the prodigal son returns to his native Western Australia to coach his beloved Warriors in their tilt to bring some silverware back to the WACA. The pundits in the rest of media, most of them English, who were certain that he would coach in England can now apologise via our email address. Wishful thinking chaps.

Shane Warne - After the recent Hampshire v Lancashire fixture, the spin king was ambushed with his three children by fans in the carpark. SKW signed every autograph, smiled in every photograph and chatted with the fans for over an hour. Googly spies reveal that halfway through Warnie’s lovefest Freddie Flintoff appeared and jogged straight onto the bus never to reappear, much to his adoring fans, most of them kiddies, disappointment.

John Wright - The former Black Caps opening bat and Indian coach is tipped to take up residence in sunny Brisbane and head the Centre of Excellence replacing the now Australian coach Tim Neilsen. Not a popular decision in the land of the long white cloud but the Aussies at the Googly would like to say, good onya John.

Ron Archer - Sadly another Australian Test player who passed away this week. The younger of Queensland's only baggygreen brothers, Ron played 19 Tests between 1953-56 until a serious knee injury wrecked his career the week before his 23rd birthday. The injury was inflicted when his boot caught in the matting that covered the concrete Karachi pitch in Australia's inaugural Test against Pakistan. It was an avoidable tragedy and he never bowled again. He is survived by wife Margaret and daughters Jacklyn and Jo-Ellen.

Joe Scuderi - The descendent of Innisfail immigrant cane cutters and original inductee to the Australian Cricket Academy arrived in Darwin this week to skipper the Italian side in their gallant quest for qualification to the 2011 World Cup.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"A better team man you couldn't get." The youngest Invincible Neil Harvey pays tribute his old mate and one of Australia’s finest men Bill Johnston after his sad passing this week. Johnston’s death leaves only five remaining squad members of Australia’s greatest team, The 1948 Invincibles. All of us in the Australian Googly sheds concur, and would like to express our sincerest condolences to his family and loved ones.

NO TIME FOR GAMES

During the cold and wet winter of 1971, Sir Donald Bradman and newly appointed Australian cricket captain Ian Chappell held an extraordinary and historic press conference in Adelaide. The meeting was held to communicate to the world that Australian cricket was withdrawing its invitation to South Africa for the coming summer’s tour.

The reasons given were simple and from the heart. Chappell, Bradman and many of their contemporaries were appalled by apartheid. They were frustrated in particular with the Australian Government’s refusal to impose trade sanctions on the racist regime. The government had been lobbied and pressured by cricketers for near on a decade.

The movement was led coherently by Richie Benaud who returned from his first tour of South Africa in 1958 disturbed by what he had witnessed. Bradman in his prepared speech said “The feeble government reaction to this abhorrent regime is despicable. Cricket is the face of this young nation and not for the first time we will stand as one and try by whatever means possible to make a difference”.

It took a further six years before the rest of the Commonwealth fell into line. At the CHOGM conference at Gleneagles in 1977 it was finally agreed that the nations involved would discourage sporting ties with the apartheid regime as part of a wider campaign against racism. Australia and the Caribbean nations wanted an outright ban but the other Commonwealth countries led by Great Britain and supported curiously by many African members were more comfortable with the weak and malleable verb, discourage.

Seventeen years passed but eventually the hideous apartheid regime was toppled. It took longer than a quarter century to achieve but eventually the compassionate stone that Benaud through into the geopolitical pond generated a wave that swamped and defeated the inhumanity of European supremacism in South Africa.

You would think that after such a long struggle lessons would have been learned, not only by the citizens of the Southern continent but by members of all nations.

Apparently not.

Just a fortnight ago, at the same time that the victorious Australian cricket team returned with the gleaming golden World Cup trophy, the United Nations allowed Zimbabwe to be elected to head the UN's commission on Sustainable Development.

Two days later Zimbabwean opposition leader Sekai Holland arrived at Sydney’s Kingsford-Smith airport in a wheelchair to be treated for injuries sustained in a brutal police beating.

She was scathing in her attack on the Mugabe regime and lifted her shirt to show the dark purple bruising that several untreated broken ribs had caused. She also was nursing a broken wrist and leg. Fortunately for the 63 year old grandmother, her Australian husband with the help of the Foreign Affairs Department were able to aid her getaway in an air ambulance whilst under house arrest in Harare. It has been reported that Zimbabwean President Mugabe was furious at Sekai’s escape.

With the World Cup back on the dry, red earth of the Australian continent and the players in the news, it was inevitable that the media would again ask questions about Australia’s next Zimbabwean tour. It didn’t take long. In the very first public presentation of the glistening trophy a reporter asked Ricky Ponting if he was comfortable about touring Zimbabwe in September for three one day internationals. Punter in his best diplomatic performance to date emphatically said, “No, I am not comfortable.” and the celebrating green and gold throng fell silent and under a cloudless sky a sombre tone descended. Ricky ever perceptive, noticed this, flashed his mischievous grin and retorted, ‘On second thoughts mate I’d rather play golf’. The crowd began talking and laughing again but the issue of Zimbabwe and Australian collective cricketing morality was not easily dismissed.

The future consequence of Australia’s finest filling Mugabe’s pockets with gold quickly became a major concern. The players were badgered about their views and Matthew Hayden’s thoughts were typical. He said that when Australia last visited Zimbabwe in 2004 he thought about boycotting, like Stuart MacGill. "I was seriously considering my position this time, as to whether I would go if the tour went ahead.”

"I considered not going last time but went in the end. I now regret it. This time I was considering it a lot more heavily. I think this time it could have been a case of once bitten, twice shy. While I felt our safety was compromised a bit, I just felt compromised in general. The whole tour became a farce."

With the players concerns now well known the spotlight turned to Cricket Australia, the governing body of Australian cricket. Under pressure the CEO James Sutherland threw up his arms in despair at being continually questioned about the morality of touring Zimbabwe.

“We are not a political organisation. That doesn't for one moment suggest that we don't operate oblivious to issues that are going on in those parts of the world, but we don't have a mandate to be making decisions on those grounds.’

He then promptly put the problem neatly in the foyer of the ICC’s offices in Dubai.

“If we do not tour, the ICC under current contracts in relation to the Future Tours Programme, have the authority to levy a fine of 2.4 million dollars onto Cricket Australia that would be paid indirectly to the Zimbabwean Cricket Union.”

Whilst Malcolm Speed and his cronies prepared their abysmal response to the moral challenge that confronted them, private talks between Cricket Australia and the Federal government were taking place. Initially the Prime Minister announced that the Treasury would pay the fine but had second thoughts when reminded that the cash would have little chance of filtering through to Zimbabwe cricket and would only enhance the regime’s bank balance.

In an election year with his government hanging on by its fingernails, the Machiavellian mind of the Prime Minister soon turned this moral dilemma to his political advantage.

Government lawyers were dispatched to Dubai to find a loophole. They reported back that indeed there was a loophole in the process that allows an exemption for any team banned from touring by their sovereign government, a clause that was necessitated by India and Pakistan's stand-off during the 1980s and 1990s.

Last weekend the Australian Prime Minister traveled without entourage to seek counsel from Ricky Ponting on this sordid affair. While Ricky’s gorgeous wife Rhianna prepared a sumptuous seafood lunch, the PM and Punter discussed the repercussions of not abiding by the ICC’s amoral agenda. On national television the next morning the Prime Minister announced that with Ricky Ponting’s blessing, during the next parliamentary session, legislation will be introduced prohibiting Australian cricketers from playing against Zimbabwe in September.

This sets what may become a dangerous precedent but in light of the ICC’s refusal to forfeit the fine the Australian people were left with little choice. If the cricketers toured, Mugabe pockets the funds. If they do not tour the ICC would effectively act as Mugabe’s agent and he still gets the cash. In legislating against the tour Mugabe gets nothing except more international condemnation and the besieged Australian government can pretend it has a moral conscience.

The populace now expect the Australian Government to also pass legislation in regards to trade sanctions and humanitarian aid distribution in Zimbabwe. The opposition have already stated that they will enact such legislation if given office later this year.

In an election year the government has little choice but to follow suit.

Of course Australia’s refusal to tour Zimbabwe will make little difference in the short term to the citizens of that country. But once again the Australian cricketing community has had to make a stand because the leaders of more powerful nations will not. History indicates that this small protest is the belated beginning of the end for Mugabe and his sycophantic minions.

Robert Mugabe is a cunning calculating dictator, and is it not time that the international community stopped allowing this thuggish tyrant to play us off, nation against nation, culture against culture, until the core of the issue - Mugabe's loathsome regime - is lost in the bickering?

The oft-misunderstood Ponting at today’s press conference stated, “I understand that no government in the world has a perfect record on human rights but Zimbabwe at the moment is beyond the pale. As far as this situation is concerned, I'm comfortable that the Australian government has taken the responsibility for making international affairs decisions on behalf of the country. As captain of Australia I've never had a problem playing against international cricketers from Zimbabwe. Hopefully the board can arrange for us to play them at a neutral venue.”

It took 40 years for Benaud’s dream of equal rights for all to be enacted in South Africa. I pray as do many of my compatriots, that it takes a lot less time to emancipate the dispossessed people of it’s northern neighbour.

THE RIGHT STUFF

With the World Cup back under southern skies the Australian cricket selectors have wasted no time in getting back to work. David Boon, Merv Hughes, Jamie Cox and Andrew Hilditch announced yesterday the list of contracted players that will represent the national side over the next 12 months. With the retirements of Damien Martyn, Justin Langer, Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath, and the omission of Simon Katich and Michael Kasprowicz several young players have been rewarded for excellence at first class level.

BATSMEN
Michael Clarke - NSW
Matthew Hayden - QLD
Brad Hodge - VIC
Michael Hussey - WA
Phil Jaques - NSW
Ricky Ponting - TAS
Chris Rogers - WA
Adam Voges - WA

KEEPERS
Adam Gilchrist - WA
Brad Haddin - NSW

ALLROUNDERS
James Hopes - QLD
Andrew Symonds - QLD
Shane Watson - QLD
Cameron White - VIC

BOWLERS
Cullen Bailey - SA
Nathan Bracken - NSW
Stuart Clark - NSW
Daniel Cullen - SA
Jason Gillespie - SA
Ben Hilfenhaus - TAS
Brad Hogg - WA
Mitchell Johnson - QLD
Brett Lee - NSW
Stuart Magill - NSW
Shaun Tait - SA

There are few surprises within the squad but two selections do stand out. Jason Gillespie, after being in the wilderness for 18 months has returned to provide more experience to the fast bowling ranks. And sensibly the fetished selection of four wrist spinners to try and cover the loss of Shane Warne. I’m afraid four may not be enough but the inclusion of 22 year old South Australian Cullen Bailey is the stand out.

A super fit, committed Christian with MENSA membership, the modest Bailey is a complete contrast in personality and manner to the great S.K.Warne. However, the crucial thing they do have in common is the mentorship of Terry Jenner. Bailey has been under Jenner’s tutelage since age 14 and Terry unsurprisingly speaks very highly of his young charge.

Jenner describes Bailey as a spinner similar in style to Richie Benaud and the most treasured Australian captain has been making regular trips to Adelaide in the last 18 months to offer advice and groom the young spinner.

Richie has praised the youngster's analysis of the game and points to Bailey’s insightful columns on the Redback’s website as evidence. He is most impressed with his insatiable curiosity and I suspect that Benaud sees a fair bit of himself in the young South Australian.

Whilst senior citizens around the country are rushing to have their cholesterol checked to ensure they are around to witness Benaud Mark II, Stuart Magill will be expected to fill the gap until Bailey is ready for international cricket. Jenner is of the opinion that the selectors mustn’t rush the erudite Bailey and insists that he needs more time to hone his craft.

"I think it would be devastating for a young player to follow Warne straight in, and the reputation and aura and records that come with that," Jenner said. "Stuey has a very important job now. I do believe that Bailey has the ability and the work ethic to be a successful Test bowler, but he needs to be given a chance to develop."

Magill, after more than a decade of playing second fiddle to Warne is now presented with a very important role to play for the successful future of Australian cricket. In the short term, as the spinning spearhead and in the longer term as the bridge to the next generation.

This was emphasised by Chairman of Selectors Andrew Hilditch at yesterday’s press conference, “Australian cricket is very lucky to have someone like Stuart," the solicitor said. "We obviously think he is a very valuable player for us and that is why we have placed a fair bit of faith in him."

He also added probably to Jenner’s horror and Bailey’s delight that the young Redback was well in the frame for international selection. "He has put together a couple of solid seasons now," Hilditch added. "Sometimes these things happen quickly."

With India touring later this year it will be tempting for the selectors to play Bailey in the Sydney Test as Magill’s spinning accomplice. This echoes of the Indian tour of 1991/92 when a young, tubby, inexperienced Victorian leggie with peroxided locks was given his first baggygreen. That match was a baptism of fire for Warne and I expect the selectors will throw Bailey into the same inferno to see if he really is made of the right stuff.

WOODCUTTER'S REVOLUTION

There is a myth that has penetrated the media that the International Cricket Council are the custodians of cricket. This fancy waxes that the ICC, from their majestic ivory towers, dispense their wisdom to all the cricketing world. The benevolent bureaucrats rule and the cricket family humbly obeys. Leather hits willow and we all live happily ever after, picnicking under a shady pavilion on a field of green.

What poppycock and cowpats. If the spinners at the ICC ever took up cricket, batsman would find them unplayable. Corporate giants may sit at their feet paying tribute for little more than a big name tag, a few nibblies and an airconditioned box but many in the cricketing world know better.

For those that still hold to the myth, the current World Cup serves as a reminder to its fallacy. Without going into details, it is obvious to most that the ICC have little compassion for the good cricketing folk of the Caribbean. Ridiculous ticket prices, draconian rules of stadia entry and disrespect for the local cricket culture all serve as evidence of the ICC’s true agenda. To feather their own nests and be damned with the cricket. Entrusting the smart suited, tax evading bourgeois of the ICC to care for cricket is akin to permissing mining companies the right to veto environmental legislation.

“Tis an outrage, mon,” shouts Jimmy Mackintosh above the cacophony of traffic in Factory Road outside the splendidly titled Recreation Ground. “Here in Saint Johns cricket is as natural as breathin’ de air.” He pauses and stares with fiery bloodshot eyes as a truck rumbles past and then shouts: "Ja Ja give us all de air we need. We have bats and balls. We need no ICC. We join with our brothers an’ sisters not de oppressor.” The seabreeze blows a rope of salt and pepper hair across his face and he moves closer. “Listen to me when I tell you mon, Babylon will fall when da revolution come.”

Jimmy knows a secret. The revolution has begun and unsurprisingly has its roots in the seemingly quiet hamlet of Franklin, Tasmania. The art of civil disobedience runs strong through families in the area and has been practised for near on two centuries. Thoreau’s Walden is a popular bedtime story and many a house has a picture of Mahatma on the back of the toilet door. Considering that nearby Port Arthur was a keener nineteenth century version of Guantanamo Bay, the art probably has Celtic origins which the prisoners mischieviously transplanted upon arrival.

The headquarters of this new revolution is in the solar powered, weatherboard clubrooms of the Woodcutters Cricket Club. The Green political movement accidently began its journey in the same clubrooms in 1968. At the season ending presentation dinner, under a banner that read, ‘POSSUMS ARE PEOPLE TOO!’, Dr Robert Brown, the flamboyant pediatrician and slow medium trundler presented the riddle that still remains unsolved: “We use the air as a sewer and piss in the water. We enthusiastically poison the earth. We destroy a forest and a desert appears. So where the fuck is a tired possom supposed to kip?”

The Woodcutters as it is commonly known was established by the brothers Flynn in 1824. During the early decades of the colony, the population in the Channel was sparse and predominately male. Denied the opportunity to compete for mates, the brothers, during one particuarly boozy and sexually violent evening with a crew of whalers, wisely decided to express their manliness with bat and ball. For twenty seven long months, with axe and pick they cleared the ancient Antarctic Beech forest beside the Huon River at Franklin, and created the Woodcutters Cricket Ground. The ground’s dimensions remained intact until 1975, when the southern boundary was shortened to accommodate a permaculture garden to provide fresh salads at the lunch interval. The Woodcutters are fiercely independent and have had numerous run ins with the ICC since its invention in 1909 as the Imperial Cricket Council and it would seem, they are finally fed up.

Peg Milkinghorne, alpaca stud owner and current club secretary explains: "Our troubles with the ICC go back along way.” Methodically searching through a battered, olive green filing cabinet she produces a yellowing document and sighs, “here it is”. She sits at her sassafras desk: “This was the first letter we received from London. It is dated the sixth of May, 1910. It basically says that the king has appointed the men of the ICC as the guardians of cricket and that we must follow their direction. It ends with the phrase For King and Empire.” A little giggle escapes Peg’s lips, "Always get a chuckle around here", smiling she continues: “England is a fair stretch from Franklin, love. Did you know that outer space is closer?”

Between satellite video calls to Antigua and Barbados, Peg gave me a summary of the many disputes The Woodcutters have had with the burghers of Lords. She told of the axing of the back foot law and how it ignited an umpire strike and caused more than a few retirements. “It was a terrible time, dear. More than one match ended unfinished in fisticuffs.”

The season in which field restrictions arrived caused even more confusion and consternation. “They have no respect for the conventions.” Peg explained how the Woodcutters still used the ‘Code of 1744’ for cricket related measurements. “We have a Gunter’s chain to measure the pitch and use an ell-wand for other measurements. We could find no Saxon measuring implement that was the required length for the inner circle. Despite many letters back and forth to London and more recently Dubai, we still have no resolution to this problem.” She sheepishly added: “The ICC eventually sent a measuring tape and a box of white Kookaburras. The tape was quite useful for indoor bowls and renovating the club kitchen but the white balls proved difficult to see against the sightboard. The club donated the balls to the widow Bella Hunt.” She paused to look through the window at a flock of Red Breasted Black Cockatoo descending on the outfield before continuing: “Her husband Ted was an opening bat in the tragic premiership winning 1964/65 team that was decimated by conscription and Vietnam.” Another mournful peek through the pane. “Anyway, she had plenty of room in the shed and wrote the club a lovely thankyou saying how useful they were in training cattledog pups, growing tomatoes and drowning feral cats.”

The recent law change that restricts the number of bouncers per over produced such outrage within the Woodcutters that counselling sessions with Helen Evenstar, the local aromatherapist were made available. Fast bowlers like Bluey Thomson were even more angry than usual. “The bats have helmets, what’s their problem?”. He spat on the ground and rubbed the congealed saliva into the dirt with his sole. “My old man Nobby, who took 426 wickets for the ‘Cutters would be rolling in his grave. I’m pissed off. Helen gave me a lavender pouch to put under my pillow but all it does is make my dog sneeze all bloody night. I had to chain him to the ute. I can tell you, it’s bloody cold in bed without Max.”

Action was needed. In fine democratic tradition the Woodcutters lobbied their rival clubs’ fast bowlers and stacked the Channel Association election. Their charismatic former champion all rounder Hugo Churchill stood as a candidate. Hugo quoted Edmund Burke ad nauseum and won the top job in a landslide. Immediately, the restriction on short pitched bowling was scrapped as was the free hit for overstepping the crease. Other changes soon followed to even up the battle between bat and ball.

Whilst travelling the state classing wool, mulesing and comparing Merino scrotums, Hugo convinced others to thumb their nose at the ICC. Using the slogan "If it wasn’t for bumpers Hilfy would be bricklaying”, he convinced every Association on the island to reject the ICC missive. Soon mainland associations joined the insurrection. Kalgoorlie was first and Cootamundra, Wee Waa and Mullumbimby soon followed. Antiguan Jimmy Mackintosh, a cousin of Curtly Ambrose and brother in law to Andy Roberts, heard of the grassroots campaign against the ICC at the Cornerstone Roots reggae festival and quietly convinced the Saint Johns cricket association to get on board. Similar grassroots campaigns are beginning to take root in Matabo, Stanley, Bridgetown and Invercargill.

The Tasmanian Cricket Board elections are slated for May 2007 and Hugo with team of burly fast men, is standing. The word around the traps is that Hugo is becoming a megolamaniac that will win hands down. The suits are worried and currently they are running a series of unprecedented political propaganda advertisements between overs during the World Cup. Whilst images of Tasmania’s win in the Sheffield Shield final flitter across the screen, an insincere voiceover informs of the inspiring work the current administation are doing. Incredibly the commercial finishes with Ben Hilfenhaus clocking Simon Katich with a bouncer!

The Woodcutters expect that they will have control of Cricket Australia within the decade, not from violent resistance but from stacking elections with disgruntled fast bowlers. As an opening batsman I find this political situation a bit like taking strike on the first morning of a match. Disturbing and yet thrilling. The thought of the unknown always is.

The ICC have failed to heed the first lesson that cricket teaches. Watch the ball. Or as Hugo Churchill so eloquently puts it: “The good shepherds of the Weald invented the grand game of cricket and not one member of the ICC has ever sheared a sheep. It’s a bloody disgrace. Their days are numbered. The revolution has begun."